I know that I'm a weak person, but I just realized how weak I am. We could look back for something but we can't look back for some certain things. Recently, I even think about if I can handle the life now. My motivation in the past is to have the chance which now I have, I doubt indeed because a number of things arise newly. I'm weak, so that those things could change my minds, my attitude quickly.
Every circumstance which happened to me is useless? Happiness, sadness and fortune combines to a same timeline? I even don't know why and what do I doubt, maybe those things are not so significant, but influence me a lot. I am losing self, self is self, it represents selfish, sins etc. If this is true, losing self is bad, just in the way to be a real one. Who can let me down, just my sins, they drag me to the valley. Why should I not be satisfy with what I got, instead of be sad for those I lost.
I'm still short of security, also sentimental all the time. I couldn't understand myself, hope is a dangerous thing if it doesn't rely on Lord. I don't wanna lose her again, as just like what she told me last night that if I went away from her, she would be crazy.
Everyone knows that fairy tale is fairy tale, we all have to experience various different kinds of obstacles, so does me. The first feedback when we undergo difficulty or fear is to go back, but this way cannot solve any problem. We all wish to protect ourselves 100%, however it is not possible.
"EVERYONE CAN MAKE HISTORY, ONLY GREAT ONE CAN WRITE IT."
As this quote says, we all are writing our own history, even you don't want to admit it. The importance is that which role in your history which you wanna play. Being a hero is everyone's dream, but not everyone put this role into our own purpose for our own life, that's the reason why we are not heroes yet. No one has easy life including Jesus, it is impossible to own a comfortable life in all stages in our lives.
I am still afraid of unknown, that's why I tell myself that if the destiny has already been sure, how come I am afraid of. Of course I don't expect to loss anyone, but no one in each life could loss nothing, just like no one in life could not meet new people.
I said that if a relationship is through Lord, this could be a real solid relationship. Now I made a relationship just like that, why should I am afraid again? It's not make sense. She said that I'm self-willed, maybe this is the actual reason. Just remind myself all the time, I'm not the old Yuan, I'm the new Yuan who leans on God, I'm iYuan now :)
We all experienced wrong relationships, They are all unforgettable. Sometimes I just cannot believe that how wonderful stories I wrote for my past life. However what I am missing is not real, time is irreversible, we cannot go back and we don't need to go back. I really love you, If the distance is 100 footsteps between us, I would like to walk 99 footsteps first, and then let you go the last footstep. I will always remind myself, we've promised to each other through Lord, I should be afraid of nothing because of this. Let's write new history from now on, the history including you and me.
Most people live life on the path we set for them. Too afraid to explore any other, but once in a while, people like you come along, who knock down all the obstacles we put in your way. People who realize free will is a gift you'll never know how to use until you fight for it.
Last night I had a clear dream again so that I thought what I dreamed was true while I waked up. I could say that a clear and vivid dream could change my thought, because something happened in my dream.
Dream is able to alter the view in one people, be closer or far away. For example, if I dreamed that I dated a girl who is just a friend of mine in reality, after that dream I would think that she was my girlfriend once and things like that.
Could dream connect parallel world? No one knows, however it did change my standpoint in this world.
Jesus. Tonight I feel that there is no real home for me on the earth, no matter Beijing or somewhere else. My real home is on the Heaven. Thank you Jesus for your unlimited love, I am following you without any doubt!
Living the life that God gives you. Nothing needs to complain, nothing needs to be lucky. Don't rely on other people's thoughts, only follow God. I feel peaceful.
Thank you Christ, my lord. Only you can give me the life that is suit for me. I do not care what will happen in the future, because with your love, I can go to Heaven after I die, that is my final destination rather than a successful life on earth.
